That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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