dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
