I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His nipple licking is glorious
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