I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
