i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
