Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
