It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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