I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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