Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
