i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
