I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This baby is an asshole
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
