You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
