i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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