Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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