ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
