saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I party with great urgency now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
