I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
