I wish I could teleport
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's never too late to be topless.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
