ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize