so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize