did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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