the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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