Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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