Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
