pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize