I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
