Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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