she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
