porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
