I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
