I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
