Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
