Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
