um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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