Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
