So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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