You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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