No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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