i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
