You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
