mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
