i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
