I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
