i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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