Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize