Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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