You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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