Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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