dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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