we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
