if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
