Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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