U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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