I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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