Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
