it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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