so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
