awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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