1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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