Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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