I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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