Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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