I want to have your abortion
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My life is pants optional.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
