you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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