So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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