I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
