FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
