I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
