The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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